So I have an illustration to share with you. I wrote this for a friend who is dealing with some major child abuse issues, but in reading over it today, I see that it applies for everyone. I hope you can gain some insight and benefit from this.
Okay, here is my illustration. (I woke up this morning with this illustration and you on my mind.)
Think of a sail boat. When it first comes out of production, it is sleek and beautiful and clean and has good lines and is just all over pretty. And then you put it in the water and you sail. And sail and sail. If you are lucky, you get to sail that boat for many years. That sailboat enjoys sailing. It was made to sail. Made for the water.
But what happens when you pull it out of the water at the end of the season? There are barnacles all over it. Those tough little parasites are stuck to the ship, literally cemented to it. That if you let them stay there, they will continue to grow and attract other barnacles and continue to build up on your sail boat and make it heavier and heavier and less buoyant and less maneuverable.
And in order to get them off of your sail boat, you have to get a chisel and scrape them off.
Did the sail boat ask to have barnacles all over it? No. It's a hazard of sailing in the "waters of sin." We all have to sail there. We all get barnacles. But some of our sail boats don't have owners who will take the boat out every season and scrape all those barnacles off, and so they continue to build.
And at the risk of pushing this illustration too far, you are a sailboat whose owner (parents) didn't scrape the barnacles of self-loathing, worthlessness, doubt, anger, and .... CRUD off of you. Instead, they left you in the waters of sin and allowed those barnacles to keep growing. And even sailed you through the waters that were more infested with these parasites.
But you are out of the water now. The end of that season is over. You have a new owner. Actually your original owner has come to claim you back. Jesus has pulled you out of the water. And he is scraping the barnacles off. I know it hurts, and I know they are clinging to you refusing to budge, but he wants you to be clean again. One of these days, you will be back in the water, and you will be able to guide the other sail boats through the water, and you will be able to direct them to their owner, Jesus, who will take care of them.
In the meantime, please try to hang in there. I know you are hurting, but underneath all of the barnacles of self-worthlessness, and self-destructiveness, there is a beautiful beautiful ship, and one day, you will enjoy sailing again.
Major hugs and prayers for you.