FMF - Friends

Today is Five Minute Fridays over at Lisa Jo's, where we write for 5 minutes, unedited.  It's interesting to see what comes out of my brain.

Ready, GO:

Friend.  I have so many people that I call "friend" but are more of an acquaintance.  But I do have some really good friends.  The non-toxic praying people type of friend that everyone needs more of in their life.

Some of them I go to church with.  Some of them are fellow homeschoolers.  Some of them, I've never met in real life.  But they are all my friends that I hold dear to my heart.

Greater love have no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  Or is another?  I don't remember, and I don't want to stop right now to look it up, because 5 minutes is never enough time.

What makes a good friend?  How do you "be" a good friend?  I think one important thing is a similar belief system and similar values.  Even though that's not always the case, it does help. 

My thoughts are all haywire today.  One of my friend's daughters got a concussion this morning, and I'm praying for her, and thinking about how far Michigan and Missouri are from each other.  I want to go to the hospital with my friend and hold her hand and give her a hug and remind her not to panic, because she's my friend.

STOP

Okay, now the interesting part of today's FMF is that I included my children in writing.  I'll have to post a picture of Little Bit's writing in a minute, but Boo wrote hers over on her blog.  I'm trying to encourage her to use it more frequently, to get her writing out there, so if you don't mind, could you pop over and take a look at her post as well?  Thank you so much. 

Bell Ringers

A LONG time ago, I came across a blog post about anticipating needs, and helping people.  I unfortunately, did not save it in my bookmarks.

But I did copy it and save it to a word document.  

I present to you, "Bell Ringers."  Here's the link to the original piece.  (Thank you Google.)  I hope you enjoy it.

Hugs,
Melinda

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Anticipating needs

-Few experiences prepared me for the challenge of being a mom, but looking back, I can see how at least one part of my former life as a nurse has helped me.

-In the ICU, many patients are either incapacitated, heavily sedated, or have a breathing tube so they can’t talk. Sadly, that’s the part many ICU nurses enjoy about their jobs. They can “get their work done” without having to answer call bells all the time. In fact, when a patient is feeling well enough to complain, that’s when the nurses know it’s about time to move him or her out of the ICU to the floor!

-Invariably, even in the ICU, there is always a “bell ringer.” A needy, fearful patient who uses every excuse to get a nurse to come into the room. “Can you dim my light?” “Can you pull my covers up?” “I can’t get comfortable.” And my personal favorite: “Can you bend my straw?”

-Since I only worked part time, I was low-man on the totem pole and got assigned these patients often. No sooner had I sat down to do some paperwork, the bell would ring. “Can I get something for pain?” I’d go in the room with the pain medicine, make sure the patient was okay, and then go sit back down. Now where was I? RRRING. “Can I get another pillow?”

-Eventually, I learned two little tricks.

-1. Anticipate needs.

-If the patient was prescribed pain medicine “as needed,” I would check with the patient a little before the last dose would be wearing off. Before he had a chance to call me, I would offer it. I’d try to come in with the juice or a snack, an extra pillow and a warm blanket, before my patients asked.

-2. A little phrase.

-Instead of giving the patient his requested item, standing there impatiently while he took it, then rushing out of the room, I learned to wait for a few seconds. I would stand facing the patient, pretending I had all the time in the world (body language is everything!), and say a short little sentence:

“What else can I do for you?”

-Sometimes, especially if the patient was particularly needy, she’d have a laundry list of items she was saving, ready to dole out one at a time, calling me every five minutes over the next twelve hours. But most of the time, the patient would be so surprised. When actually asked what they needed, most patients felt heard. “Uh, no, I can’t think of anything,” they’d say. I’d go back to my other patients and be able to get “my” work done, with fewer interruptions. It was a win-win situation.

-I’m a little convicted as I write this, because I find myself falling into the “get my work done” mentality so often at home, where my children are neither incapacitated nor heavily sedated, and I suppose it's a little unethical to put something down their throats to keep them from talking! I get focused on all the things that go into running a home without remembering who all this work is for! My little ones, especially, hang on me, interrupt me, whine and cry, usually when I’ve just sat down to answer email or pay bills. But even my big kids bicker and get into trouble when I seem most preoccupied with my own agenda.

-There are lots of ways we can anticipate needs as wives and mothers.

-Regularly scheduled meals and snacks seem so mundane, but honestly, when I offer a snack before my children ask, it is more likely to be healthy, and they are less likely to whine about being hungry right in the middle of folding laundry, or 30 minutes before dinner's ready. I don't know why I am so often "surprised" that everyone's hungry around suppertime. I amaze even myself!

-The need for sleep is something else we can anticipate. My younger two have had to be extremely flexible because of our older children’s schedules, but occasionally I bow out of some activities to make sure they have a somewhat regular bedtime. And we've done the same thing for the big kids. What about a child's need for a hug, a good laugh or a favorite meal every now and then? What about their need for help?

-A few minutes of one-on-one time every day with each child is probably the hardest thing for me to anticipate. They need us to look into their eyes so we can tell them how important they are to us. But bad behavior often ends up being what gets my attention, and it is a huge time-sucker. If I ever added it up, I’m quite sure dealing with discipline issues takes more time than if I would have just said, “Hey, let’s sit down and talk (read a book/play a game) for a few minutes!”

-With our husbands, we know they have certain needs. What if we anticipated this, and, rather than grudgingly waiting until they asked hinted, we offered it freely?

-I think the fear is, “If I give an inch, they’ll take a mile.” If I give them attention, they’ll just want more and more of it.

-But just like my patients, I’ve noticed that the opposite is true: the less I want to give, the more unreasonable their demands! I end up with an entire family of "bell ringers."

-When my children know that I’m tuned into their needs - that they will be taken care of – they are more secure, whine less, and can wait more patiently for me. Not always, but generally speaking. And with my husband, well, let's just say that when I came to the point of freely giving, it revolutionized our marriage.

-Robert Lewis calls this the Paradox Principle: We must die to live. It doesn’t seem to make sense, but it is true. It worked in my ICU, and it works with my family.

-I'm wondering:

Do you have a "bell ringer" in your family?

When was the last time you asked your husband or your child, “What else can I do for you?”

-Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Matthew 6:8, NIV

Cat and Dog Theology

This past weekend, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the MPE Conference for homeschooling families.  I have such a wonderful gem of a husband who said, "it's time we invest in you and your career."  I came out of the workshop with a renewed vigor and enthusiasm for the calling I am positive was given to me by God Almighty. 

One of the workshops I attended was called Cat and Dog Theology.  At first, I didn't want to go, it didn't sound like it would be very interesting, it wasn't a good fit for our family.  I could go on.  But as Boo and I were getting ready for the next class, I actually asked her which one she wanted to go to, and she picked that one.

And I'm glad she did.  Wow.  Within one hour, I had a radical shift of thinking in my theology.

This post is going to be my feeble attempt at trying to explain what I learned.

Mr. Sjogren started his talk by presenting some statistics.  We all homeschool for different reasons, but it seems the majority choose to homeschool for religious reasons.  That being said, it then becomes fairly scary that 70% of all homeschoolers will "ditch God" after leaving home, that 75% of abortions are done by "Christians," and that 85% of all churches are dying.  [Please understand, I'm just quoting his statistics.  I haven't backed them up with any sources yet.  It's on my very long to-do list.]

So what is it?  What's missing from our churches?  What is the fundamental teaching that we are forgetting to teach our children?

Let's start by playing a game.  Fill in the Blank: "The main character of the Bible is __________."  "Jesus endured the cross for ________."  "God wants us to go to church, to go to Heaven for _________."

Now, if you are anything like me (and I apologize to those who aren't), you will fill in those blanks with "God, my sins, to be with Him."

But try thinking of it this way instead:  "The main character of the Bible is God," "Jesus endured the cross for the glory of God," and "God wants us to go to church, to go to Heaven for the glory of HIS name."

Wait, what?

We have an instant filter.  I don't know if it's just in America, or elsewhere, but we have a very humanistic filter, that God did/does all these things for us and it just isn't so. 

My proof starts in John 12:27-28.

²⁷ “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. ²⁸ Father, glorify your name!”
Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.”

 Jesus didn't come to die on the cross just to save me from my sins.  Jesus came to earth to glorify the name of God the Father!  I'm sorry, but I am very humbled by that thought.

And then there is Psalm 30:9.

“What is gained if I am silenced,
    if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
    Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

 God wants us to go to Heaven in order to bring glory to his name forever!

And let's not forget Paul.  Why did Paul become a missionary for the Gentiles, which, let's face it.  With the Jewish religion accounting for approximately 0.20% of the world's religions, "Gentile" is just about everybody else.   Let's turn to Romans 15:8-9.

For I tell you that Christ has become a servant of the Jews^[a] on behalf of God’s truth, so that the promises made to the patriarchs might be confirmed ⁹ and, moreover, that the Gentiles might glorify God for his mercy. As it is written:

“Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles;
    I will sing the praises of your name.”^[b]

Paul became a missionary to the Gentiles so that they could glorify God.

I could stop right there.  I really could.  That point in the speech was where I realized I had experienced a radical shift in my theology.  The Bible was not written for us, for me.  The whole Bible was written for the glory of God.  And I have missed that point for 37 years.

Boo's cat.

But I won't stop there.  The title of this post, after all, is Cat and Dog Theology.  So I must explain, right?  The joke goes like this:  A dog says, "You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, you must be God."  A cat says, "You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be God."

This brings us to the two very different viewpoints of Christianity. 

Cat theology walks away from hell because they are worried about going there.  A dog runs towards heaven because they have fallen in love with God.  One example of this is the parable of the man who found the treasure in the field in Matthew 13:44.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

Did you notice that?  In his joy.  Heaven is the joy of discovery for a dog, but a relief of escape for a cat.

In our prayer time, cat theology goes something like this:  "Thank you for dying on the cross for our sins."  But a dog wants to finish the prayer with "so that we might honor and glorify you."

My dog wouldn't leave me after I had been gone all day.

And our worship time.  Oh my word.  Mr. Sjogren touched a nerve there.  When you listen to the worship songs, both contemporary Christian music and the older hymns, how many of them talk about what God has done with us?  Listen, I mean really listen for the songs that have "me, my, and mine" in them.  That's cat theology, cat-like thinking.  A dog worships God for who he is.  Songs like "How great thou art."

After I heard that, I really started paying attention to the words that I was hearing on the radio.  I mean, our dial has been set to K-Love for years now. And in our song service yesterday?  Out of about 8 songs, only 2 were what I would qualify as "dog songs."

There are a few more, but I've already written quite a bit.  One last thing that really struck me hard, was when Mr. Sjogren said "Most Christians don't believe in 'to live is Christ, to die is gain,' but more like 'to die is second best and at least you're not going to hell.' "

I learned a lot in that hour.  The most important being that I have been cat-like in my thinking for way too long, and I want to rediscover the joy of falling in love with my master again.  Just like a dog. 

For God's glory,
Hugs,
Melinda

[Talking with Boo today, she told me she was actually expecting it to be a talk on the difference between boys and girls.  lol.  I sure do love her.]