But I did copy it and save it to a word document.
I present to you, "Bell Ringers." Here's the link to the original piece. (Thank you Google.) I hope you enjoy it.
Hugs,
Melinda
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Anticipating needs
-Few experiences prepared me for the challenge of being a
mom, but looking back, I can see how at least one part of my former life as a
nurse has helped me.
-In the ICU, many patients are either incapacitated, heavily
sedated, or have a breathing tube so they can’t talk. Sadly, that’s the part
many ICU nurses enjoy about their jobs. They can “get their work done” without
having to answer call bells all the time. In fact, when a patient is feeling
well enough to complain, that’s when the nurses know it’s about time to move
him or her out of the ICU to the floor!
-Invariably, even in the ICU, there is always a “bell
ringer.” A needy, fearful patient who uses every excuse to get a nurse to come
into the room. “Can you dim my light?” “Can you pull my covers up?” “I can’t
get comfortable.” And my personal favorite: “Can you bend my straw?”
-Since I only worked part time, I was low-man on the totem
pole and got assigned these patients often. No sooner had I sat down to do some
paperwork, the bell would ring. “Can I get something for pain?” I’d go in the
room with the pain medicine, make sure the patient was okay, and then go sit
back down. Now where was I? RRRING. “Can I get another pillow?”
-Eventually, I learned two little tricks.
-1. Anticipate needs.
-If the patient was prescribed pain medicine “as needed,” I
would check with the patient a little before the last dose would be wearing
off. Before he had a chance to call me, I would offer it. I’d try to
come in with the juice or a snack, an extra pillow and a warm blanket, before
my patients asked.
-2. A little phrase.
-Instead of giving the patient his requested item, standing
there impatiently while he took it, then rushing out of the room, I learned to
wait for a few seconds. I would stand facing the patient, pretending I had all
the time in the world (body language is everything!), and say a short
little sentence:
“What else can I do for you?”
-Sometimes, especially if the patient was particularly
needy, she’d have a laundry list of items she was saving, ready to dole out one
at a time, calling me every five minutes over the next twelve hours. But most
of the time, the patient would be so surprised. When actually asked what they
needed, most patients felt heard. “Uh, no, I can’t think of anything,”
they’d say. I’d go back to my other patients and be able to get “my” work done,
with fewer interruptions. It was a win-win situation.
-I’m a little convicted as I write this, because I find
myself falling into the “get my work done” mentality so often at home, where my
children are neither incapacitated nor heavily sedated, and I suppose it's a
little unethical to put something down their throats to keep them from talking!
I get focused on all the things that go into running a home without remembering
who all this work is for! My little ones, especially, hang on me, interrupt me,
whine and cry, usually when I’ve just sat down to answer email or pay bills.
But even my big kids bicker and get into trouble when I seem most preoccupied with
my own agenda.
-There are lots of ways we can anticipate needs as wives and
mothers.
-Regularly scheduled meals and snacks seem so
mundane, but honestly, when I offer a snack before my children ask, it is more
likely to be healthy, and they are less likely to whine about being hungry
right in the middle of folding laundry, or 30 minutes before dinner's ready. I
don't know why I am so often "surprised" that everyone's hungry
around suppertime. I amaze even myself!
-The need for sleep is something else we can
anticipate. My younger two have had to be extremely flexible because of our
older children’s schedules, but occasionally I bow out of some activities to
make sure they have a somewhat regular bedtime. And we've done the same thing
for the big kids. What about a child's need for a hug, a good laugh or a
favorite meal every now and then? What about their need for help?
-A few minutes of one-on-one time every day with each
child is probably the hardest thing for me to anticipate. They need us
to look into their eyes so we can tell them how important they are to us. But
bad behavior often ends up being what gets my attention, and it is a huge
time-sucker. If I ever added it up, I’m quite sure dealing with discipline
issues takes more time than if I would have just said, “Hey, let’s sit down and
talk (read a book/play a game) for a few minutes!”
-With our husbands, we know they have certain
needs. What if we anticipated this, and, rather than grudgingly waiting
until they asked hinted, we offered it freely?
-I think the fear is, “If I give an inch, they’ll take a
mile.” If I give them attention, they’ll just want more and more of it.
-But just like my patients, I’ve noticed that the opposite
is true: the less I want to give, the more unreasonable their demands! I
end up with an entire family of "bell ringers."
-When my children know that I’m tuned into their needs -
that they will be taken care of – they are more secure, whine
less, and can wait more patiently for me. Not always, but generally speaking.
And with my husband, well, let's just say that when I came to the point of
freely giving, it revolutionized our marriage.
-Robert
Lewis calls this the Paradox Principle: We must die
to live. It doesn’t seem to make sense, but it is true. It worked in my
ICU, and it works with my family.
-I'm wondering:
Do you have a "bell ringer" in your family?
When was the last time you asked your husband or your child,
“What else can I do for you?”
-Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Matthew 6:8, NIV
Matthew 6:8, NIV
